Book ’em, Danno–Episode 65

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Season 6 has barely started and we’re already to my favorite episode.

Our favorite, Dan Budnik from Eventually Supertrain joins me to talk about “Draw Me a Killer” and “Charter for Death”. Minor trigger warning for animal death for “Charter for Death”. We do discuss it.

And of course, you can find spoilers for the episodes at 47:08 to 58:47 and 1:48:30 and 2:03:55.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Dan and I are covering all the topics in this episode: socks with sandals, grindhouse movies, alternate-universe Cousin Oliver, currents, comics, Bert Convy in a see-through shirt. You’re not going to want to miss a second.

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

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Let me just disclaimer this by saying that I haven’t thoroughly researched this post. I’ve just been thinking about it.

And what got me thinking about the depiction of sex work in cop shows, particularly pimps in the ’70s, was an episode of Hawaii Five-O that I just covered for an episode of Book ’em, Danno called “Tricks Are Not Treats”. The basic plot of the episode is a group of pimps (called “macks” in the episode for some reason because they’ve had no problem calling a pimp a “pimp” in previous episodes) led by Harley Dartson, played by Glynn Turman, are at odds with a loan shark named Lolo, played by Gregory Sierra, who is taxing their business.

The episode was shot and aired in 1973. Without watching it, I bet you know what the pimps look like, act like, and sound like. There is a certain image that’s been embedded into popular culture when it comes to pimps, particularly of the 1970s variety. These pimps fit that image.

Most of the pimps in this co-op are Black, though there is at least one Native Hawaiian, one Asian, and one token white guy with a ‘fro. All of them are decked out in the classic pimp styles: slick suits, bright colors, fab shoes, and fetching hats. Oh, the hats! It may be stereotypical as hell, but they had style. These Honolulu pimps would have been able to blend into any city on the mainland. They had the look.

The characterization of the pimps of this time period in particular lends them to be very convenient bad guys on cop shows. Just get them in the right outfit and the audience doesn’t need much more than that. It was understood that pimps were bad because prostitution was against the law. Pimps exploited the women who worked for them and weren’t above using violence to get the women to turn their tricks. Frequently, it was these violent tendencies that had them crossing paths with our police heroes. And it was probably not an accident that it seems like a majority of pimps depicted on TV at this time were Black. It seemed like if it was a white pimp as a main villain -and this is just my impression as I have no scientific data or research to back this up because I’m lazy- that he was depicted more as a businessman. He had “escorts”. He had an office. He wore respectable suits. He might not be above committing violence, but at least he was “classier” when he did it.

In “Tricks Are Not Treats”, Harley Dartson is positioned as sort of a good guy in comparison to Lolo, an unlikely and uncommon position for a pimp at the time. The pimps in the episode are humanized beyond the stereotypes that they’re usually presented as. Their line of work isn’t excused and it’s mentioned that they are still willing to use violence against the women in their stables to keep them in line, but that isn’t the focus. It’s them against Lolo and the writers want you on their side. So, they make them likeable, relatable. J. Paul (Ron Glass), prior to his demise, comes across as a funny, friendly guy. Wunton (Moe Keale) is deeply affected by his friend’s death, to the point of losing his cool to defend J. Paul’s memory.

Harley, our main mack, is given a normal home life with a wife, who used to be on the streets as one of his girls, and two children. Sure, Semantha (Lynn Ellen Hollinger) is still very much involved in the administration aspect of the business, keeping track of the women in Harley’s stable and the jobs they’re doing (or should be doing, as she does threaten one woman over the phone to get to a hardware convention before Harley takes a coat hanger to her), but it’s treated as a normal Mom and Pop kind of business. Pimps are having a meeting out on the lanai and Semantha is tracking tricks while the kids eat lunch at the kitchen counter and Harley fusses at the older boy about doing his homework. It’s a rare depiction to get that much into a pimp’s personal life and have it be so suburban.

(It’s also worth mentioning that Harley and Semantha were an interracial couple with biracial children, something else not often seen on TV in 1973.)

There’s a pimp with a heart of gold in an episode of Barney Miller as well. In “The Hero”, Carl Gibson’s mack character Mayflower is arrested for pushing a trick out of a window and ends up helping the guys put a baby Todd Bridges back on the straight and narrow. Sure, he’s doing it in part to ease his own punishment, but a pimp on another cop show wouldn’t have done it at all.

The bad buy blueprints for cop shows are interesting in how they both contribute to stereotypes and then deviate from the stereotypes they helped create. The way pimps are used in these shows is a great example of that.

Imagine what I might discover if I actually applied myself and researched it.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 64

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

Season 6 kicks off with a unique kind of bang. It’s a compare and contrast episode between the original 1968 series and the 2010 reboot. In 1973, Season 6 kicked off with what would become the legendary episode “Hookman”. In 2013, the reboot remade this legendary episode, sticking remarkably close to the original while updating and tweaking it to fit their timeline and canon.

In both episodes, a double amputee with an agenda is sniping cops and it’s up to Five-O to find out who he is, what his motive is, and stop him.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Because I’m doing a full compare and contrast, I will be talking about the endings of both episodes. Mind the Spoiler Warnings from about 30:01 to about 34:18 and 50:15 to about 54:19.

Please enjoy this visual compare and contrast of our Hookmen and our heroes.

Rerun Junkie Show–Chopper One

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chopper one

I have a list of ’70s cop shows that I want to watch. It’s definitely a wish list because not all of them are available on DVD or streaming, and the ones that are available, I’m not exactly getting around to them at a quick pace. When Dan and I were talking about covering another show for Eventually Supertrain, I decided to use it as an excuse to knock one short-lived, ’70s cop show off my list –Chopper One.

I pitched it to Dan like an adventure because neither one of us had seen the show, but from what I gathered from the series synopsis, it would be like Adam-12, but in a helicopter.

I was kind of wrong.

Running for 13 episodes, the 1974 half-hour series follows Officer Don Burdick (Jim McMullan) and Officer Gil Foley (Dirk Benedict) as they fly over Los Angeles and fight crime under the supervision of Captain McKeegan (Ted Hartley) and are kept in the air by mechanic Mitch (Lou Frizzell).

Like Adam-12, it’s a 30 minute cop show featuring partners and crime. And that’s kind of the end of the similarities. Chopper One has a different vibe to it, and that’s not a bad thing.

Most of the episodes begin with an unrelated opening crime that Foley and Burdick foil. Some of them are pretty entertaining, like the burglar masquerading as a pizza delivery guy who had no trouble scaling to a second story window to enter the house and then JUMPED out of the window once his ill-gotten gains were gained. Burdick and Foley spotting his shenanigans in the air and Burdick surprising the thief in his own car was pretty great.

Then there are openings that are amusing for the wrong reasons, like the pair of joy riders they chase down in the chopper. The couple looks to be in their thirties. Whose parents are these? Or the mugger in the bright red jacket who pushes random kids on the swings in the park as a cover before stealing a lady’s purse -in front of those kids!- and eventually getting caught on a baseball diamond. Sir, you deserve your fate and those kids need to be educated on stranger danger.

A couple of episodes, including the pilot, opened with the chopper being utilized for non-crime reasons. In the pilot, a kid was in trouble on his sailboat way out to sea. Burdick and Foley rescued him. In another, the captain had Foley and Burdick pick up a star little league player from camp in order to make it to a game. Considering in the previous episode, the captain didn’t even want to authorize a kid who’d helped them catch some crooks go for a ride, I have questions.

Actually, this show left me and Dan with a lot of questions, but I’ll get to that.

After the opening, the episodes tended to focus on one crime. Now, I know what you’re thinking. How many ways can a police chopper be involved in an investigation? I wondered that, too, and it turns out that there are several. They got pretty creative about it. Over the course of the series, Burdick and Foley used their chopper to deal with hostage situations, robberies, rooftop shooters, ransom deliveries, abductions, and hijackings.

Mechanic Mitch became my favorite character pretty quickly, so it should be no surprise to those who know me that the episode “Killing Time”, in which his wife is kidnapped, is my favorite. I love to see my favorites go through it (yes, I’m a bad person). The reason that Mitch’s wife is kidnapped is so he’ll be persuaded to ground the chopper to avoid police interference in a political assassination plot orchestrated by Lloyd Bochner, who did more of the dirty work than I anticipated. Though Mitch initially does the usual thing of not telling anyone, he eventually comes clean and delivers the key clues to help rescue his wife, which leads to Burdick and Foley saving the day.

Though Burdick is older and therefore more of the veteran officer between the two, Foley isn’t exactly a rookie. From what little background we get on the two officers, it could be supposed that Foley has spent most of his police career in the chopper, perhaps recruited and/or joined the police force for that express purpose; whereas Burdick has obviously spent more time on the ground patrolling.

The episode “Downtime” really illustrates this. The chopper is grounded for repairs because they got a kite caught in their rotor and it’s done some damage. Instead of taking some time off, they’re put on patrol, with Captain McKeegan giving them a sarcastic lesson on what exactly a patrol car is and its function. The time on the ground reacquaints Burdick with a familiar thief played by Dub Taylor, and has Foley begging Mitch to get the repairs done so he can get off the ground. I would have actually liked that the entire episode was this light-hearted and fun, but then a bomber played by William Watson enters the mix and things get pretty serious as now they’re in a race to find the bomb before it goes off, which leads them to perform some trickery to get the bomber to reveal his secret. The second half of the episode is also good, and I wish that it was an episode of its own, too. But smooshed together, it’s still a good watch.

Other fabulous guest stars that either bedeviled Burdick and Foley or received their assistance include Laurie Prang, John Quade, and John Hudson; future Dirk Benedict foil William Lucking; Lew Brown, Skye Aubrey, and Austin Stoker; frequent TV guest stars France Nuyen, Norman Alden, and Frank Marth; Kim Hamilton, Kenneth Tobey, and Jamie Smith-Jackson; Vulcans Mark Lenard and Lawrence Montaigne; Tony Young, Jesse Vint, and Ross Elliot; Western alums Dabs Greer and Michael Ansara; Victor Argo, Eddie Firestone, and James Daughton; legends Dick Van Patten, William Windom and Bruce Kirby; Marvin Kaplan, Rick Hurst, and Harry Lauter; Hawaii Five-O guests Mitzi Hoag, Edward Binns, and Patricia Smith; Penny Fuller, James Luisi, and Jenifer Shaw; horror film alums Christopher Stone and Ford Rainey; Art Lund, Roy Jenson, and Arch Johnson; M*A*S*H alum Allan Arbus; Darleen Carr, Vince Howard, and Richard X. Slattery; and future star Nick Nolte.

Thirteen episodes isn’t a lot to work with, but Chopper One still managed to work in a few cop show tropes that I look for: a cop mentor either in trouble or causing it; a cop being investigated for something; and someone seeking vengeance on a cop or cops. If the show had continued, I’m sure we would have gotten a police-involved shooting episode.

Thirteen episodes also isn’t much time for character development, not that cop shows of this time were super keen on it, but it did happen. But in the course of the short season, we did get a sense of our heroes. Foley might be young and spend most of his time in the air, but he could come up with some good ideas and he had a much better way of relating to people than Burdick. Burdick, the veteran officer, tended to be…we’ll say brusque sometimes. Okay, he was not above yelling at people in situations that didn’t necessarily require a raised voice. His hard-nosed approach to policing served him well in the line of duty, leading him to take risks other cops might not take. Jim McMullan and Dirk Benedict have great chemistry, so their lighter moments played just as well as the heavier stuff.

Captain McKeegan might have changed most over the course of the very short series, going from an unreasonable, shouty prick in the beginning, to a more reasonable, less shouty, not quite prick by the final episode. Mitch pretty much remained Mitch throughout, a loveable, sometimes snarky mechanic. Practically perfect in ever way.

Given what must have been a huge budget thanks to the helicopter and required helicopter stunts (Jim McMullen getting in on a few of them towards the end of the run), only a huge hit right out of the gate would have guaranteed a renewal. Unfortunately, this was a series that could have used a little more time to find itself. Overall, the quality is pretty good, though there are a few episodes that feel a little off. Dan suggested that some of the writers weren’t well-versed in making a 30 minute drama and I think he might be on to something. Some episodes felt like they could have benefited from a full 60 minutes to allow us to get to know the victims were were supposed to be sympathizing with better.

The short run time also left us with questions. How exactly is this wheelchair-using child that apparently can never leave his house getting an education? With his single mother working all day, what happens if he has an incident and falls out of his chair? Were there no support systems in 1974? Why is official firearm disposal procedure just dumping guns into the ocean? How the hell was Lloyd Bochner going to shoot this politician in a moving car from his crane? How could he be sure where he was sitting? Why sacrifice Mitch’s wife instead of using a decoy in the motorcade since they couldn’t change the route or ground the helicopter? What was the point of Ginger? We could have the entire episode without her and nothing would have changed. Do helicopter mufflers really exist? If so, do they really work like silencers? (Actually, don’t answer that one. We live in bliss believing they do.)

Lingering questions aside, the show is very watchable. Even the episodes that I wasn’t keen on aren’t awful. It’s a fine ’70s cop show and I would have loved to have seen what it could have become if it ran longer.

We could have seen what that chopper could really do.

Rerun Junkie Guest Star–William Smith

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William Smith has a great face. Rugged. Handsome. A big, strong guy, it wasn’t hard for him to be imposing. He could be that rough good guy or a nasty bad guy. And anything in between. He had quite a few movie roles and plenty of guest star spots, but not nearly enough regular/recurring roles on shows. A guy like that deserves to be seen on a regular basis.

He was Jimmy Delaney on Zero One; Joe Riley on Laredo; Falconetti in the mini series Rich Man, Poor Man and in the series Rich Man, Poor Man Book II; Brodie Hollister on Wildside; and he had a recurring role as Willie Shell on Emerald Point N.A.S.

I probably know him best as Detective James “Kimo” Carew in the last season of Hawaii Five-O. At that point, the series had undergone several cast changes over the years, the most recent being James MacArthur choosing not to return after Season 11. William Smith was brought in to help fill that void.

Mr. Smith’s first appearance is a memorable one. He’s not a local boy. He’s an ex-cop from Boston tracking a mainland gangster who may have info about who murdered his wife and child. This mainland mobster’s ties with Hawaiian mobster Tony Alika gets James Carew all tangled up with Steve and Five-O. In the end, Carew ends up joining the team and earning the nickname Kimo, which is Hawaiian for James.

Kimo stands out because he’s not local and he has a personal agenda. He shows up with more baggage than just a change of clothes, an unusual introduction for a team member on this show. It stands out. And the way he bullies Tony Alika, played by Ross Martin, stuck with me.

One of my favorite guest appearances of his is in the Season 1 episode of The A-Team called “Pros and Cons”. The episode is a favorite because of Murdock’s antics and the lengths that Hannibal, BA, and Murdock go to get arrested, but William Smith is the whole reason that the A-team get involved in the first place. Mr. Smith plays Jase Tataro, a friend of B.A.’s who’s doing time in a jail that has prisoners fight to the death for fun and profit. The winners of these fights are given a head start to escape. Jase makes it all the way back to L.A. and meets up with his little brother (who is like twenty years younger than he is; there’s some serious late baby action happening there) before he’s captured. Little brother and B.A. convince the rest of the A-Team to go in on a jailbreak.

Mr. Smith and Mr. T are believable buddies, using their brief screen time before Jase is captured to establish their friendship. The next time we see them together, they’re fighting to the death. Jase’s surprise and joy at seeing his friend in the training area quickly disappears with a simple “shhh” gesture from B.A. The actual fight pulls no punches, the two of them selling it until the rest of the team shows up to put an end to this fight club. We already know about B.A.’s toughness and we saw Jase’s in the beginning. It’s a brutal beating between friends. William Smith does a whole lot for what screen time he has.

As a guest star, he spent a lot of time on Westerns like Stoney Burke, Wagon Train, The Virginian, Daniel Boone, Death Valley Days, Alias Smith and Jones, Gunsmoke, and The Young Riders. He also turned up on plenty of cop shows like Mod Squad, Columbo, The Streets of San Francisco, S.W.A.T., The Blue Knight, Dan August, Bert D’Angelo/Superstar, CHiPs, T.J. Hooker, Ohara, Houston Knights, Due South, Hunter, Walker, Texas Ranger, and Nash Bridges.

He hung out with Raymond Burr on Perry Mason and Ironside; was intriguing on Mission: Impossible, Masquerade, and Search; privately investigated on The Rockford Files, Vega$, Matt Houston, Riptide, Simon & Simon, and Barnaby Jones; went to war on Combat! and checked in on Trapper John, MD; got a little creepy on The Alfred Hitchcock Hour and Kolchak: The Nightstalker; saw some action on Knight Rider and Airwolf; hung out with Lee Majors on The Six Million Dollar Man and The Fall Guy; traveled on Movin’ On and B.J. and the Bear; did some lowkey investigating on Longstreet, Murder, She Wrote, Mr. Lucky, and Danger Bay; got a little silly on I Dream of Jeannie and took a vacation on Fantasy Island; went to the dogs on Lassie and martialed some arts on Kung Fu; made some names with Julia, Benson, and Vinnie & Bobby; dealt with caped crusaders on Batman and the General Lee on The Dukes of Hazzard; found some sci-fi fellas on Planet of the Apes, Logan’s Run, and Buck Rogers in the 25th Century; and even got a little nighttime soapy on The Yellow Rose.

Though William Smith had a certain look which might have landed him more of certain kinds of roles than others, he always brought his best, and the TV Universe is greater for it.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 63

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

Season 5 comes to a close with a couple of really good episodes. First, Five-O is baffled by a stolen diamond necklace in “The Diamond That Nobody Stole”. We are once again graced by the presence of Eric Braeden in magnificent outfits with bonus Beulah Quo being absolutely regal.

Then Five-O tries to determine which juror has been compromised in “Jury of One”. Both of these episodes featured toothless men who met unfortunate ends, but brought me great joy for the brief time they were with us.

And of course, my season wrap-up that nobody asked for.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

To close out Season 5, here’s Eric Braeden pulling off a look that few would even dare attempt.

See you in Season 6.

eric braeden in white

Rerun Junkie Character–Wo Fat

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Police procedurals will sometimes brush their heroes up against the international. However being set in Oahu during the Cold War, it made sense that Hawaii Five-O would feature perhaps more than the average politically based storylines. So, naturally, a recurring villain of this caliber would be a perfect nemesis for the great Steve McGarrett. Enter the most diabolical foreign agent to ever grace the Hawaiian Islands: Wo Fat.

Played impeccably by the wonderful Khigh Dhiegh, Wo Fat is introduced to us in the very first episode of the series, “Cocoon”, as the mastermind who uses sensory deprivation to break people for useful information. The cocoon set-up is something out of a horror film -the victims fitted in a wet suit, their ears and nose filled with a kind of putty, blindfolded, placed in a tank of water, breathing through a tube- and Wo Fat is the perfect man to implement such a horrific torture. He’s dressed in a suit and his almost relaxed demeanor about the horrific psychological torture he’s inflicting on his captive speaks to how comfortable the man is with cruelty in the pursuit of his goals. He’s ruthless, but he’s no brute. Intelligent and sophisticated, Wo Fat sets himself up as a formidable foe from the very beginning.

Unlike other villains who might be motivated by vengeance or the need for power, Wo Fat’s motivation comes from patriotism. Just as Steve McGarrett loves and wants to defend his country, Wo Fat loves and wants to empower his. In a way he’s seeking power, but not necessarily personally. He benefits as his country benefits. It’s an interesting motivation because when viewed through a certain lens, one could say that Wo Fat is merely an employee who excels at and takes joy in his job. We love a person who takes pride in their work.

And Wo Fat puts in the work. What sets him apart from other operatives of the time is his investment in his work. In the two-part episode “The Ninety-Second War”, it was revealed that Wo Fat had spent years investing in a frame job against Steve McGarrett, an elaborate, labor-intensive scheme that necessitated the creation of a doppelganger, a Swiss bank account, millions of dollars of apparent bribes and payoffs accumulated over three years, and a staged car accident to trigger the culmination of this plot -a distraction to divert attention away from a Chinese missile test. With McGarrett occupied with clearing his name, he won’t have time to even realize that Wo Fat has strong armed a scientist by kidnapping his daughter into purposely blacking out the Pacific missile tracking system for ninety-seconds, the time China needs to perform their test.

It’s intricate, meticulous planning that proves to be a Wo Fat trademark. The man would rather go big and then go home. Whether it be an elaborate frame, faking a tidal wave, using his spies to brainwash people into murder, kidnapping children as a form of leverage, working with the Russians to obtain counterfeit currency plates, orchestrating two murders to smuggle a device out of the country, stealing deadly toxins, Wo Fat’s flair for the dramatic is on display. What else could you expect from a man with his own submarine and a few doubles of his own?

I think the episode “…And a Time to Die” gives the audience an excellent insight into Wo Fat’s character. In order to guarantee that a man dies on the operating table after a botched assassination attempt, Wo Fat kidnaps the brain surgeon’s daughter, calmly explaining to the agonized parents that it would be in the child’s best interest if the doctor allows the man to die during surgery. It’s such a well done, well-written, well-acted scene because Wo Fat explains this entire heinous act as an unfortunate, but necessary step to gain his objective. At one point, he actually says that he’s as much of a victim as the parents and the child are, insinuating that if the assassin had done his job, then none of this would be happening.

However, my favorite line from that scene is Wo Fat clarifying the trustworthiness of his word.

“You’re wondering if you can trust me to keep my word. I can assure you…you can. I would genuinely hate to harm your child. But more important, in my profession, a man cannot be afforded a credibility gap. He must keep his promises if he wants anybody to believe his threats.”

It is such a good line and it’s delivered so beautifully.

As for the child in question, we learn even more about Wo Fat from his interaction with the little girl, Ellen. He doesn’t want her to be frightened of them and even offers her some lunch. He then tells her how important it is to be brave, telling her a story about a little girl he knew a long time ago, about how he and the child’s mother tried to keep her safe and teach her to be brave during “a time of great war” in his country. He doesn’t finish the story, getting choked up at the unsaid fate of the little girl after she ran out into the street during the fighting. The implication is that Wo Fat’s daughter was killed during the war, and that his patriotism is, at least in part, motivated by her death.

Wo Fat is then delighted to find out that Ellen plays chess and offers to play her a game. When he finds out that she likes chess best when her mother lets her win, he agrees that winning is the most important thing, but after a beat admits he doesn’t always enjoy it, inferring that while Wo Fat is invested in being excellent at his job, he’s not always at peace with what he has to do to accomplish his objectives. I’m guessing kidnapping and harming children would fall into that category.

That one scene adds so much complexity to an already intriguing character. His actions -his elaborate plots and plans executed over the course of 12 seasons and 13 episodes- take on a new depth when viewed through that framework.

Even though Wo Fat was Steve McGarrett’s greatest nemesis, he wasn’t even in every season of Hawaii Five-O, failing to appear in the 6th, 10th, and 11th seasons. However, in a fitting farewell to the show, as it began, so it ended, with Steve McGarrett facing off with Wo Fat. In the final episode of the series, McGarrett finally gets his man, going undercover as a scientist in order to be kidnapped by Wo Fat, who’s going full Pokemon trying to collect the whole set in order to have the four men create a space-based laser weapon.

Go big and then take it on home.

The series ends with McGarrett finally getting his man, a fitting end to the show and a satisfying conclusion to the relationships between the two men. While Steve has no love for Wo Fat, Wo Fat has a certain amount of admiration and respect for Steve. He sees him as an enemy, sure, but he also sees something of himself in McGarrett, a man motivated to excel in his job. The difference between them lies in the execution. Their differing moral standards allows for weaknesses to be exploited and strengths to be uncovered. The dynamic between the two men is impressive, especially when you consider that there are episodes when they never directly interact. But when they do, Jack Lord and Khigh Dheigh set fire to the screen bringing these two characters to life. These two men going back and forth is something to be savored.

Though Wo Fat was apprehended in the final episode, I find it hard to believe that this cool, sophisticated, intelligent villain would have been kept behind bars for long.

A man like that always has a plan.

Book ’em Danno–Episode 62

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

Season 5 is almost over but Five-O’s work is never done.

First they have to solve a tricky murder in “Percentage” and then Chin Ho is beside himself when his daughter gets involved with the son of a criminal family in “Engaged To Be Buried”.

For whatever reason, I was rather verbose talking about these two episodes, so the overall episode is a little long. I suppose I could have cut my thoughts on henchman fashion or trash men, but this the important and insightful analysis people tune in for.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

When your in a criminal family, it’s important to dress the part.

rono vidalgokoa vidalgo

Let’s Make Bad Decisions for Fun and Plot Lines

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In an episode of the short-lived ’70s cop show Chopper One called “The Informer”, Dick Van Patten is in police protective custody so he can testify against a mobster. Our mains, Foley and Burdick, use the police helicopter to take him to a safe house…where he later calls his wife and tells her exactly where he is so she can come see him.

It’s a frustratingly stupid decision, one you know that the bad guys will capitalize on by following the wife out to the beach house of hiding. I am on record stating that I wanted something bad to happen to Dick Van Patten for this dipshittery. And yet! We wouldn’t have an episode if he hadn’t made this poor choice. Or we wouldn’t have this episode. Things would have played out much differently for everyone involved otherwise.

And like I said in my recorded statements, I can’t even really be mad about it because people willingly make such terrible decisions in real life.

Making bad life choices is sort of a key component to cop shows. Someone has to make the dubious decision to commit a crime, after all. That’s what gets the ball rolling. If people left the house every morning with the goal of making good choices, our TV cops would be out of work.

It’s not just criminals making poor life choices. There are the bad decisions by the (mostly) law abiding citizens that skitter events in a different direction. Like Dick Van Patten making that ill-advised phone call to his wife. Or the guy in the CSI: Miami episode “Long Gone”. The dad and his family are kidnapped because dear ol’ dad finds drugs buried on his property and decides to go into business for himself.

And then there are the guys (so often they’re men) that compound one bad decision with another. Like the rancher in the Hawaii Five-O episode “Paniolo” who lets his anger get the best of him when dealing with a real estate developer. The physical altercation leads to the developer’s accidental death, and instead of contacting the police, he decides to stage the developer’s death as a car accident. Does it work? No, of course it doesn’t work. It just makes things a whole lot worse.

Or the guy in the Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode “Homo Homini Lupus”, who gets in trouble by failing to repay a loan shark in a timely fashion. As a result, his family is kidnapped. Does he accept help from the authorities? Of course not. Why would he do such a thing? That would make sense, at least in the world of TV law enforcement. So, shit gets to go extra pear shaped for his sins.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe people could be such dipsticks. And then you read the latest Florida Man story. We can say all we want that the bad decisions people make on TV are unbelievable, but we know deep down that’s not necessarily true.

I realize I’m focusing on cop shows here, but that’s only because it’s my area of expertise, so to speak. Bad decisions motivate plots in other genres, too. The plot of more than one episode of Stargate: Atlantis was motivated by Dr. Rodney McKay’s ego-driven bad decisions.

Family-oriented sitcoms thrive on the bad choices of their precocious children. With the TGIF line-up, I know I put a slew of bad decisions in front of my eyeballs back in the day. The only one that sticks out in my memory is the Full House episode “I’m Not D.J.”, in which Stephanie allows Kimmy -of all people- to pierce her ears against her father’s wishes so she can impress her friends. It’s a relatable dubious decision because kids don’t have the life experience to know better than to do stupid shit. They’ve got to do the stupid shit to get the experience. Everyone knows that they’re not going to take anyone else’s word for it.

The adults on those sitcoms, though, don’t have that excuse. They’re doing it for the laughs of the live studio audience.

And because adults make dubious life choices, too.

At least on TV, they do it for the plot.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 61

/ Kiki Writes / Leave a comment

Season 5 is winding down, but the cases are still going full-tilt. In “Will the Real Mr. Winkler Please Die?”, Five-O finds themselves in the middle of a spy mess, and in “Little Girl Blue”, a kidnapping turns into a stand-off.

Recording this episode was interesting because I had to stop in the middle of it to deal with real life things, the background noise during “Little Girl Blue” ended up being super annoying (sorry about that), and the soundclips for “Little Girl Blue” ended up a little borked and I couldn’t use most of the ones I wanted to. As a result, the episode is probably not my greatest.

But you can still listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Let this glorious Steve fashion be a balm on this unfortunately produced episode.