Rerun Junkie Episode–“The Christmas Story”

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I’m not the biggest fan of Christmas (though I do love a holiday with a theme), but I do have my favorite Christmas episodes of shows, which I’ve listed before. On that list is the Season 2 episode of Dragnet called “The Christmas Story”.

The plot is pretty simple. Friday and Gannon are working right before Christmas when they get a call about a theft at a church. The baby Jesus (Friday keeps calling the child Jesus and for some reason that makes my eye twitch) has been stolen from the nativity scene. The nativity scene was bought by the parishioners years ago and the baby Jesus doesn’t have much in the way of monetary value, but it’s important to the congregation. For some who’ve been coming to that church since they were children, this is the only Jesus they’ve ever known. And for some children who’ve passed away, this was the only Jesus they ever knew.

Do I instantly tear up at that line? Yes. Yes, I do. My Grinchy heart isn’t entirely made of stone. But the takeaway from this is that it’s really important to have that statue back for Christmas mass.

If you’re at all familiar with Dragnet, then you know how serious business and methodical Friday and Gannon are when it comes to investigating a crime. Even though they’re just looking for a baby Jesus statue, the men, knowing how important it is to the church, take the investigation very seriously.

They start by questioning the altar boys and checking in with religious art shops to see if the statue might have been sold. This is Dragnet, so the shop owner we see them converse with is an absolute trip. One altar boy saw nothing, but the other altar boy, who’s played by a pre-Brady Bunch Barry Williams, saw a man leaving the church with a bundle that could have contained the baby Jesus.

They follow this lead to where the man works as the altar boy didn’t know his name, and this leads them to a name and an address at men’s hotel. The man they’re looking for, Claude –played by Jack Webb regular Bobby Troup- is out, but the front desk man expects him back since they can’t do their annual Christmas show without him.

While they wait for the call from the front desk man that Claude has returned, Friday and Gannon continue to check pawn shops in the hopes of finding the baby Jesus.

The Bah Humbug of this episode comes in the form of their captain. Friday and Gannon have been waiting to hear about a suspect in another case and when he’s pinched, the captain orders Friday and Gannon to run up and fetch him, which will take several hours. They plead their case –or rather Father Rojas’s case- about the missing baby Jesus, but the captain feels that’s something the Foothills Division can do. Friday then whips out a manipulation Uno reverse by asking the captain to call Father Rojas and explain to him that they won’t be able to look for the baby Jesus statue until after Christmas. The captain wisely relents rather than risk the disappointment of a priest.

Friday and Gannon finally get their opportunity to interrogate Claude in sort of a sad scene. Claude thinks they’re questioning him about a car he was allowed to borrow, but this time he didn’t ask first. When questioned about the bundle he was taking out of the church, he explains that it was his other pair of pants that he had fixed for the Christmas show at the men’s hotel. It’s established early on that Claude has a rap sheet, but it’s made pretty clear that this guy has given up his criminal ways (minus taking a car without explicit permission) and has fallen into what Friday and Gannon might consider a pathetic life, though there’s something sweet about how much the Christmas show means to him and the other men at the hotel.

Out of leads, out of luck, and out of time, Friday and Gannon have no choice but to go to Father Rojas and say they won’t be able to get the baby Jesus back in time for Christmas mass. Father Rojas is understanding, but disappointed.

But since this is a Christmas episode, it’s only right to have a miracle. Or in this case, a Paco.

As the men are standing there feeling sad about the lack of baby Jesus in the manager, a little boy by the name of Paco comes up the aisle pulling the missing statue in his red wagon. It seems that Paco has been asking for a red wagon from Santa for years, but this year he prayed to the baby Jesus for one and promised that if he got a red wagon, baby Jesus would get the first ride. Thanks to the local fireman who collect and refurbish old toys, Paco got his red wagon and kept his promise.

christmas story paco

Do I cry at this ending scene every time I watch it? Yes, I do. Did I tear up while writing about it? I absolutely did.

As someone who isn’t religious, this Christmas episode about a missing statue of baby Jesus might be considered an odd choice as a favorite for me. I do tend to avoid the overly religious aspect of the holiday season as Christianity has effectively alienated me, particularly in recent years. But this one is just too good for me to dislike. It’s a wonderfully weird melding on the “just the facts, ma’am” Dragnet episode and a sweet story about a little boy getting his Christmas wish and keeping his promise.

This episode carries the innocent spirit of the holiday season, stripped of tinsel and preachiness. The baby Jesus at the heart of the story is so much more than some religious symbol. The sentimental value attached to it is so much deeper not because of the religion, but because of the community surrounding it. And it’s a member of that community that ends up honoring his faith in such a sweet and unique way.

Merry Christmas, Paco.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 55

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

The Season 5 fun continues with an STD-related murder in “Chain of Events” and Danny battling a case of amnesia in “Journey Out of Limbo”.

In my “Chain of Events” discussion, I talked about how the local station that I watched Hawaii Five-O on would always skip this episode and so the first time I watched it was for the podcast. However, if I’d checked out this episode in Karen Rhodes’s fabulous book Booking Hawaii Five-O (which I often forget to do because I’m a dumbass), then I would have also mentioned that this episode faced censorship in Hawai’i during its initial airing…because of politics.

At the time, Herman Wedemeyer…aka Duke…was running for re-election as the 12th district rep in the State House of Representatives. His opponent, Shirley Sax, claimed that his appearance in the episode meant that she should get equal airtime under an FCC regulation in place at the time. As a result, the episode wasn’t aired in Hawai’i. For the record, Duke is only in the episode for about 63 seconds and only has one line. Hope it was worth it, Shirley!

Anyway, here’s a pic of Dirk Benedict from the episode. He gets my vote.

dirk benedict h50

“Journey Out of Limbo” has a trigger warning for animal death both in the episode and in the discussion. However, my discussion of it does go off the rails because I am weird. Gird your loins accordingly.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

In conclusion, I was rather verbose in this episode for some reason and it made editing a real bitch.

So, here’s a picture of Danny in his amnesia recovery Aloha shirt.

danny amnesia aloha shirt

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 54

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

Season 5 continues with a couple of big plots. And you know me. I love me some big plots.

First Wo Fat needs to smuggle a stolen device out of the country in “The Jinn That Clears the Way”. This elaborate plot is actually a Plan B, which makes it even more fabulous.

And then Clu Gulager has one hell of a heist going in “Fools Die Twice”. I mean, it’ s Clu Gulager, so you know it’s going to be good.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Is there anything better than a pleased Wo Fat? I think not.

wo fat is pleased

Rerun Junkie Guest Star–Candice Azzara

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There’s something about a pretty woman with a Brooklyn accent that catches the attention. Or at least my attention. Candice Azzara fits this bill perfectly. Her sweet face and sweet voice makes for a perfect combo, especially when she’s a tough cookie.

Of her 89 credits listed on IMDB dating back to 1969, many of them are TV roles, but not too many regular or recurring roles, which is a shame. Her only regular role was as Shirley Balukis on the short-lived 1973 series Calucci’s Department. Her few recurring roles were short-lived as well. She played Millie in six episodes of Soap, Fran Thomopolous in 5 episodes of the final season of Who’s the Boss?, and Angie Spadaro in fourteen episodes of Caroline in the City.

I probably know Ms. Azzara best from Barney Miller. She popped up as different characters three times: a manicurist who stabbed an unruly client in “The Layoff”; the victim of a bus robbery and crash who also happened to be the mistress of one of the other passengers in “Bus Stop”; and the recent wife of a recent lotto winner who wasn’t too thrilled he was giving it all away in “Dietrich’s Arrest: Part 1”.

She also played a money-focused woman in an episode of Murder, She Wrote as well. In the episode “Mr. Penroy’s Vacation”, which also happened to be Ron Masak’s first episode as Sheriff Metzger, Ms. Azzara plays the “wife” of dead man Mr. Penroy. Yes, wife is in quotes for a reason. As it turns out, she’s actually the wife of a train robber who ran out on her. He was in Cabot Cove to get his split of the money, and she was there to make sure she got her cut, too. Fun fact: despite her three appearances on Barney Miller and her onscreen husband Don Calfa’s seven appearances, they never crossed paths on that show. (She did appear with the other Barney Miller frequent flyer Oliver Clark in an episode, though.)

Another favorite guest appearance that found her on the wrong side of the law was in an episode of CHiPs called “Satan’s Angels”, in which Bonnie is taken captive by members of a motorcycle gang, which include William Smith and Mickey Jones. Ms. Azzara is one of their old ladies who forms something of a bond with Bonnie.

She also tangled with the law on Baretta, Kojak, Ohara, Rizzoli & Isles, and N.Y.P.D. (her first listed credit on IMDB); checked in on Strong Medicine, The Practice (a ’70s Danny Thomas series), Trapper John MD, House Calls (reprising her character from the movie version), ER, and E/R (yes, there were two of them and both starred George Clooney); privately investigated on Remington Steele and Tenspeed and Brownshoe; got family friendly on Shake It Up, One Day at a Time, Diff’rent Strokes, The Wonder Years, and Doogie Howser MD; was short-lived on Downtown, Mama Malone, The Two of Us, Roomies, and The Montefuscos; went to court on LA Law and Night Court; showed up on Married…with Children and it’s short-lived spin-off Top of the Heap; named names on Maggie, Pearl, Rhoda, and Alex, Inc.; got a little strange on Medium, Joan of Arcadia, and the ’80s version of The Twilight Zone; and of course, she once set sail on The Love Boat.

I know that actors don’t like to be typecast, and I certainly don’t like to typecast them, but sometimes an actor plays a role so well that you can’t help but associate them with it. Candice Azzara’s gift for playing women with a certain kind of attitude -spicy sweet- is memorable and that’s a fabulous thing. And so is she.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 53

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

Only three episodes into the new season and we get yet another large-scale criminal enterprise in “You Don’t Have To Kill To Get Rich- But It Helps”. We also get a necessary dose of William Shatner. You may argue with me about that, but you’d be wrong. Please be advised that I go into detail about how decomposition works with a corpse that’s been underwater for two or three days. Some knowledge I’m just compelled to share.

And then Danny finds himself going through it after a friend is killed in the line of duty in “Pig in a Blanket”. This is not my favorite genre of copaganda episode and I explain that at length.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

Here’s a little Shirtless Shatner to get you through.

shirtless shatner

And, of course, Dollie, who is now part of my life vision board.

dollie

In the Line of Duty

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We all know how enamored I am with cops shows, particularly cop shows from the ’70s, but there’s a certain genre of copaganda episode, which seemed to be done often in the ’70s, that just hits me the wrong way every time.

An officer killed in the line of duty.

Here’s how this particular variety of copaganda episode typically plays out. We meet a cop, usually a uniformed officer, that we’ve never seen before and will likely never been mentioned again after this episode. We get to know this cop for about five minutes. He’s usually a very likeable guy and he’s usually good friends with one of our faves. Then our new cop friend gets killed in the line of duty, usually by someone who refers to cops as “pigs” and has an all-out hate on for the police. If not, then someone in the episode does and they are very, very vocal about it. It’s all very anvil about showing the audience how thankless the job is because people hate them even though they put their lives on the line every day. It’s an efficient delivery system for some unquestioned stats on the number of cops killed in the line of duty every year.

Now, the whole point of copaganda is to help normalize and valorize the shit cops do that shouldn’t be normalized or valorized, like roughing up a suspect for information or getting pissy when a suspect knows their rights and won’t speak without a lawyer. But this particular genre of copaganda is incredibly and unnecessarily emotionally manipulative.

The point is to highlight how dangerous and thankless police work can be. I’m not arguing that being a police officer can’t be dangerous. My police officer father ended up with a broken knee incurred while handling a domestic violence call (and the guy later apologized for it; such is life in a small town). But when it comes to dangerous jobs in America, law enforcement doesn’t crack the top ten list. According to some lists, they don’t even make the top 25. In fact, police officers kill more people in the line of duty then they themselves are killed. They may end up in some dangerous situations, but the odds are in their favor.

Something that cop shows in general, particularly with these kinds of episodes, don’t acknowledge.

And if you wanna talk thankless, look at any customer service job.

My biggest issue with these episodes, outside of the inaccuracies I’ve already mentioned, is how it’s implied that a cop’s life has more value than anyone else’s simply because of the job they do. And that is bullshit. Not just because of the inaccuracies I’ve already point out, but also because nobody’s life is inherently more or less valuable than anybody else’s.

To drive home the point that these cops’ lives are so much more valuable than the average citizen, they have the cop hater right there to highlight just how derided and misunderstood the police are. Nothing gets the audience more on the side of law enforcement than some asshole screaming “pig” at our heroes. Especially after they’ve lost one of their dear uniformed friends whose name we don’t bother to learn.

It all ends up being overwrought and grating and, like I said, unnecessary. In the context of the show, we already ride with the idea that a cop’s job is dangerous and their work is thankless because of how many dangerous situations we see our favorites in (some of which they don’t survive) and how often they’re disrespected in the course of their investigations. We already know.

This very special episode isn’t required.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 52

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

Welcome to Season 5!

Things kick off with a big time criminal enterprise in “Death Is a Company Policy” and we get introduced to Kono’s replacement Ben Kokua and Duke begins his recurring run in earnest.

And then Five-O untangles a web of lies in “Death Wish on Tantalus Mountain”. Ricardo Montalban is back (but not in yellow face!). Diana Muldaur returns. And a race car sort of returns.

Listen on Soundcloud, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify.

The team is ready for a new season. Are you?

season 5 team

Rerun Junkie Confession–I Love a Woman Who Takes Care of Business

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I was initially inspired to write this post by Miss Simpson in the Season 5 Hawaii Five-O episode “Death Is a Company Policy”, and what I was actually going to confess was that I liked ruthless women. Miss Simpson was a representative of a criminal enterprise so vast it oversaw the work of numerous smaller scale criminal bosses. It’s at first thought that Miss Simpson is nothing more than an accountant sent to audit the criminal books of one of their branch managers, Piro Manoa. However, as the episode progresses, we come to understand that Miss Simpson is more than just an accountant. She’s an important part of their organization and makes the tough, crucial decisions when she has to.

And then just two episodes later came Joyce Hensley in “You Don’t Have To Kill To Get Rich, But It Helps”. The only female exec in a blackmail insurance business, she has a keen eye for good insurance prospects. She also reads Sam Tolliver for filth after only a five minute chat. Cool, calculating, and, well, ruthless.

But in that same episode is a character named Dollie. She’s a madam with amazing fashion sense who takes no shit from Ben. You get the sense that she’s good at her job and she takes care of her girls, but she’s no soft touch. She’s not ruthless. She’s just takes care of business.

And that’s what I really like. A woman who can take care of business. Miss Simpson and Joyce Hensley both displayed that even though their business is on the criminal side of the tracks.

So, let’s flip the script. What about Callie Duquense on CSI: Miami? Here is a woman who brings down the bad guys with same sort of efficiency and ruthlessness as her criminal counterparts I just mentioned. She’s not intimidated when challenged and she has remarkable emotional control even in the most stressful situations. She gets shit done.

Della Street on Perry Mason also comes to mind when it comes to efficient women on the right side of the law. To the untrained eye, she’s just a secretary. But Perry wouldn’t be able to vex Hamilton Burger by beating him in court if Della wasn’t on top of her game. She even keeps Paul Drake in check and that’s no easy task.

Women don’t have to be in law enforcement -or on the opposite side of it- to take care of business. When I was thinking of all of the women I admire, two nurses immediately popped into my mind: Major Margaret Houlihan on M*A*S*H and Dixie McCall on Emergency!.

Dixie is the head ER nurse. There were actually episodes that showed how things went to shit without Dixie in charge. She’s the one choreographing intricate dances of life or death with her staff. Doctors might be running the show, but it’s the nurses who have to anticipate their needs. Dixie got shit done because lives depended on it. And she was good at it.

The same can be said for Major Margaret Houlihan. A career army nurse. She’s in charge of a group of nurses in a war zone. She’s orchestrating order in devastating chaos. Even when taking into consideration her early season shenanigans, Margaret never messed around when it came to nursing. Taking care of those soldiers was her job and she took care of business.

What’s interesting about most of the women I’ve listed in this post (as guest stars we didn’t really see enough of Miss Simpson, Dollie, and Joyce Hensley) is that even though they could be considered strong women because of how effectively they got their shit done, it didn’t preclude them from having emotions. Sometimes the stress or the situations got to them, but they handled it, just like they handle everything. And they handled it in such a way that it didn’t stop them from taking care of business.

And I unabashedly love women like that.

Book ’em Danno Minisode–“Goodnight, Baby- Time to Die!”

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Book 'em Danno Podcast

When Episode 49 of Book ’em, Danno came out, I mentioned that I had to edit a chunk of conversation between Dan Budnik and myself out due to the fact that it contained spoilers outside of spoiler territory.

I also threatened to release it as a minisode.

Well, here it is.

Enjoy!

Soundcloud iTunes Spotify

WARNING: It should go without saying since I already said it, but I’m going to say it again…This entire little minisode contains spoilers for the episode “Goodnight, Baby- Time to Die!”. So if you haven’t seen it, you may want to skip this. And if you haven’t listened to Dan and I chat in Episode 49, you’re not going to have any context for this and you may want to skip it.

Okay? Okay.

Rerun Junkie Writer–Jerome Coopersmith

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I’ve written quite a few posts in my Rerun Junkie Guest Star series, so I’m obviously long overdue to begin a series about the Rerun Junkie Writers. After all, without the writers, those guest stars that I love and adore have nothing to say.

It’s a shame that I was motivated to finally begin the series due to the recent passing of one of those writers.

Jerome Coopersmith only has 36 writing credits on IMDB, but most of them are for TV shows. He’s got a creator credit as well as writing credits (he wrote every episode) for the short-lived 1977 series The Andros Targets. He wrote 20 episodes of Armstrong Circle Theater and 18 episodes of Johnny Jupiter. I had to look that latter up. It’s a show about a general store clerk who invents an inter-planetary TV and befriends a puppet named Johnny Jupiter. This could be a kids’ show. Or it could just be 1950’s TV on the Dupont network.

He wrote for other anthology shows like Kraft Theatre and The Alcoa Hour; early crime-fighting series like Brenner and Harbormaster; and later popular shows like Combat!, Doctors and Nurses, and Medical Center. I’m sure I’ve seen his episodes of The Streets of San Francisco, Spenser: For Hire, and A Man Called Hawk.

But most of the TV episodes he wrote -and the work I’m most familiar with- was Hawaii Five-O.

Of the 32 episodes he wrote for the show, 3 of them I picked to be my favorites of their season. Considering there’s 12 seasons and a quite a few writers, it’s pretty impressive that he wrote a quarter of my favorites.

But he also wrote several of my runners up and other memorable ones.

He’s responsible for the excellent episode “Samurai” (but I doubt he’s responsible for Ricardo Montalban’s yellow face); put McGarrett’s life in jeopardy twice in the same season with “A Bullet for McGarrett” and “Blind Tiger”; came up with some brilliant and fun plots in “Didn’t We Meet at a Murder?”, “Death is a Company Policy”, and “Welcome to Our Branch Office”; did a little PSA-ing with “Chain of Events” and “Diary of a Gun”; and revisited a character from the second season episode “Just Lucky, I Guess” in the eighth season episode “McGarrett is Missing”.

And these are just a few of the terrific episodes he wrote for the show. The man never had a dud, at least as far as I’m concerned.

For some reason, he sometimes wrote under different names (Edit: Mr. Coopersmith’s daughter graciously provided the answer in the comments of this post). He has several TV episodes, including multiple episodes of Hawaii Five-O, credited as Jay Roberts and several TV movies credited as Ken August.

As if his resume wasn’t impressive enough, he also wrote plays and musicals that ended up on Broadway, and even earned a Tony nomination for his Sherlock Holmes musical Baker Street.

But no matter the name, the stage, or the screen, the result Jerome Coopersmith produced when he put pen to paper was always the same.

Fantastic viewing.

Thanks to Chris for linking me to Jerome Coopersmith’s obituary article.