Book ’em, Danno–Episode 42

We’ve got a clever theft ring in “Air Cargo -Dial For Murder” and Marion Ross is an integral part of it. I know. I was shocked, too. The episode kicks off with an OSHA violation murder…Wylie E. Coyote style. Yes, I’m a bad person for thinking that.

A wild robbery scheme in “For a Million…Why Not?” takes Five-O for a ride. With Steve on the Big Island for the Johnny Oporta trial, Danny is leading the charge in trying to fit all of the puzzle pieces together. Or printer’s type, as it were.

I will tell you right now that there are an excessive number of shipped corpses in this episode.

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Oh, by the way, here’s that frozen Ling I promised you.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 41

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A charming panhandler and his girlfriend steal money from an embezzler in “Two Doves and Mr. Heron”; and a sniper opens fire on a busy road and a stand off with HPD and Five-O ensues in “…And I Want Some Candy and a Gun That Shoots”.

Mild trigger warnings ahoy!

“Two Doves and Mr. Heron” contains some mild, 1970s grade homophobia, which I discuss at length because you can’t stop me.

“…And I Want Some Candy and a Gun That Shoots” features a sniper scenario that has a bit of a mass shooting vibe as well as talk of mental illness. I will be discussing both of these as well.

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But on the bright side, we get an IT mini-series reunion of sorts with John Ritter in a top hat in one episode and a sweet Annette O’Toole in the other. Also, Vic Morrow schooling the young folks and Jeanne Cooper being her absolute ruthless best.

John Ritter is very excited about this.

john ritter in a top hat

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 40

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Season 4 is just getting started. In “Wednesdays, Ladies Free”, we’ve got a serial killer going after women in order to fulfill a very specific fantasy. This results in the women ending up dead and made up like dime store drag queens.

And then in “3,000 Crooked Miles to Honolulu”, a faculty club is really a cover for a half-a-million dollar scam involving travelers’ checks. Remember those? Karl Malden does (I am really showing my age with that joke).

It’s Monte Markham, Soon-Tek Oh, Buddy Ebsen, and David Canary in some all-star shenanigans.

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Did you ever think you’d see Barnaby Jones having a chat with Adam Chandler? Well, now you have.

the professor and george

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 39

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Welcome to Season 4 of Book ’em, Danno and Season 4 of Hawaii Five-O!

Steve and the gang kick things off by investigating a couple of skeletons and a beguiling portrait in “Highest Castle, Deepest Grave”. And then in “No Bottles…No Cans…No People”, Five-O looks to put a stop to an up and coming mobster who throws away his enemies…literally.

Come to watch Steve fall in love with a picture, stay for the garbage education.

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Full disclosure: I didn’t feel the full effects of the portrait in question. What about you? Feeling some sparks like Steve?

steve and portrait

Book ’em Danno Special–“Bored, She Hung Herself”

In this very special episode of Book ’em, Danno, I discuss the “lost” episode of Hawaii Five-O, “Bored, She Hung Herself” from the second season. I’m keeping things somewhat mum on where I watched the ep and how I found out about it simply because every copy of this episode is a bootleg and therefore, subject to be taken down. I don’t want that.

Also, because this is a bootleg of a 16mm print (I think), the quality isn’t that great. In fact, it’s been speeded up a little bit so everyone sounds a little strange. As such, there will be no sound clips in this episode. I’m sure you’re devastated at the prospect of hearing only my voice.

Listen anyway.

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Very mild trigger warning: there’s mention of sexual assault, but it’s not explicitly discussed.

Also Spoiler Alert! Spoilers are discussed from around 18:50 to 22:41.

Consider yourself warned.

Danno’s calling all of his friends to listen. You should, too.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 38

Season 3 ends with a two-parter. In “The Grandstand Play”, baseball star Lon Phillips’s son Gary is in big trouble and only Five-O can save him. It’s an interesting two-parter in general as it’s much more low key than some of the previous ones, but it’s definitely got an emotional weight to it that couldn’t have been achieved if it was condensed to a single episode.

Also, if you don’t like baseball, then you’re going to want to skip the part that’s just me going on about the Hawaiian Islanders line-up and how I want one of their jerseys.

I also wrap up the season with my final thoughts and arbitrary tallies. Because you’re dying to know how many times everyone went undercover during the season, I’m sure.

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I play a game whenever Pernell Roberts guest stars on anything called “Toupee or No Toupee”. No spoilers here.

Also, photographic evidence of the sinister comb forward I go on and on about.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 37

A man seeking revenge meets his match in an old lady when he takes hostages in the Five-O offices in “The Bomber and Mrs. Maroney”. And the games continue in the Season 3 2010 Hawaii Five-0 episode “Pa’ani”.

I admit that it took a while this season to get to a reboot episode. That’s just the way the schedule played out. But it is a fun episode, so I think it’s worth the wait. Larry Manetti is an absolute gem.

“The Bomber and Mrs. Maroney” was in the running for favorite episode of the season. The blend of humor and tension is fantastic.

Be warned. I do drop a couple of f-bombs in this episode, if your sensibilities be that sort of delicate.

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Behold the physical manifestation of no fucks left to give. She’s not in the mood for your shit and she never will be, son.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 36

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Season 3 still has a few swerves to it as it heads towards the finale.

In “The Gunrunner” we get a suspicious kidnapping and the 1971 version of a burner phone. In “Dear Enemy” Vera Miles insists that Steve re-open the case that sent her husband to jail for murdering his mistress.

The ultimate swerve is that George Murdock isn’t the asshole. Even when he’s a good guy, he still manages to be a dick. Not so in “The Gunrunner”. Yes, I say many words about that, the burner phone, and Vera Mile’s decided to wear a pink nightie (?) to talk to Steve about re-opening her husband’s case while Gary Collins looks on. Also, I probably spend more minutes talking about the greatness that is Dub Taylor than he is actually in the episode.

Listen to all of the words and minutes on Souncloud, iTunes, Spotify, and Stitcher.

Behold the photographic evidence of the ultimate payphone set-up and the nightie in question. Two bits of greatness I will never get over.

1971 burner phone

vera miles and gary collins

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 35

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Season 3 begins to wind down with this two-parter. In “FOB Honolulu”, Five-O is looking to recover counterfeit currency plates that people everywhere are dying to acquire. Like there’s a literal trail of dead bodies they use to track the plates across Asia. It’s part of the slide show.

Wo Fat is back and we’re introduced to a KGB colonel charmingly called Misha the Bear, whom I wished made more than one appearance because he was a good time.

Also there’s Monte Landis, excessive amounts of knitting, and one of the best tail dodges I’ve ever seen onscreen.

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Now this is a fabulous disguise. The gum chewing really completed the look.

in disguise

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 34

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It’s a triple feature!

An old cowboy struggles to hold onto his ranch with tragic consequences in “Paniolo”; Five-O attempts to thwart an elaborate heist in “Ten Thousand Diamonds and a Heart”; and the death of a soldier puts his drafted brother in a tight spot in “To Kill or Be Killed”.

It’s an extra long episode, but it’s extra good. A sad-fun-sad sandwich. Prepare accordingly.

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Please enjoy these visual references to certain points in my discussion of the episodes. Steve’s tracking outfit in “Paniolo”, a shirtless Tim O’Connor in “Ten Thousand Diamonds and a Heart” for those who never knew they needed it, and the framing that really struck me in “To Kill or Be Killed”.

steve paniolo

tim oconnor shirtless

steve no war