Book ’em, Danno–Episode 71

We’re firmly on the backside of Season 6, and when I say it’s all downhill from here, I don’t mean the quality of the show, just my podcast. This episode had to be recorded over two separate days, so the sound quality might be a little wonky. I’m finding new and fun ways to make your listening experience a challenge.

Anyway, Five-O is in search of five cents in “The 100,000 Nickel”. Thanks to Victor Buono, the episode somehow makes coin collecting look dangerous and hip. We’re also gifted with another couple in matching Aloha outfits. Baby, that’s love.

Millie, a middle-aged white woman with short, curly red hair, is looking concerned at her husband Arnie, a middle-aged white man with short, curly dark hair. The couple are wearing matching green and white aloha outfits.

And then Five-O is tasked with tracking down some clever bank robbers hiding in plain sight in “The Flip Side is Death”. I was drinking while recording that episode. Good luck to us all.

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Look at this angel face. He could never do anything wrong. But if he did, I’d be first in line to be his henchwoman.

Eric Damien, a middle-aged white man with thinning light hair and a round face, is smiling. He's wearing a light brown-grey suit with a white dress shirt and light and dark brown patterned tie.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 69

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Political motives and personal vendettas collide in “A Bullet for El Diablo”. And then counterfeit bonds and murder are the means to a million dollars in “The Finishing Touch”.

The episodes this season have been running a bit long, so I made a conscious effort to cut down my synopsis and stop rambling so much. As a result, this episode is under an hour. I think we’re all better off.

Also, it’s episode 69, so of course it’s nice.

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Check out Steve McGarrett setting the sunglasses standard that Horatio Caine would later make iconic. Yes, Steve did do a “putting the sunglasses on to emphasize the dialogue” move.

Jack Lord as Steve McGarret, a serious looking white man in his fifities with brown hair wearing silver framed sunglasses and a dark blue suit.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 68

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The greed monster is back! First it appears in the form of a questionable inheritance company in “Why Wait ‘Til Uncle Kevin Dies?”. The company fronts heirs a portion of their inheritance before their benefactor dies and then they collect what they’re owed when the benefactor kicks it. Yeah. It’s sketchy and lends itself perfectly to murder. And then some illegal opals spark a whole lot of greed in “Flash of Color, Flash of Death”. Dollar sign obsessions can really ruin a man.

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Here are two ambitious men. One is a little off-beat. The other is a little unhinged. See if you can tell which is which.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 67

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Five-O deals with a killer in their midst in “Murder Is a Taxing Affair” and then tries to keep a group of pimps from going to war with a loan shark in “Tricks Are Not Treats”. Come for the soul crushing government jobs, stay for the ’70s mack fashion.

I’m not sure why I’ve gotten so long-winded on these last few episodes. Hopefully, you’re sleeping well to my extra words.

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As I said in the episode, if our love doesn’t include matching vacation outfits, don’t even bother proposing.

matching vacation outfits

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 66

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Season 6 starts to find its groove with this episode. First up, we’ve got murderous hillbillies in “One Big Happy Family”, and then arson with an agenda in “The Sunday Torch”. Heads up for some racism in the former and mental illness discussion in the latter.

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In the meantime, please enjoy Slim Pickens and Barbara Baxley straight up ruining a snobby hotel clerk’s day.

slim pickens and barbara baxley

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy

Let me just disclaimer this by saying that I haven’t thoroughly researched this post. I’ve just been thinking about it.

And what got me thinking about the depiction of sex work in cop shows, particularly pimps in the ’70s, was an episode of Hawaii Five-O that I just covered for an episode of Book ’em, Danno called “Tricks Are Not Treats”. The basic plot of the episode is a group of pimps (called “macks” in the episode for some reason because they’ve had no problem calling a pimp a “pimp” in previous episodes) led by Harley Dartson, played by Glynn Turman, are at odds with a loan shark named Lolo, played by Gregory Sierra, who is taxing their business.

The episode was shot and aired in 1973. Without watching it, I bet you know what the pimps look like, act like, and sound like. There is a certain image that’s been embedded into popular culture when it comes to pimps, particularly of the 1970s variety. These pimps fit that image.

Most of the pimps in this co-op are Black, though there is at least one Native Hawaiian, one Asian, and one token white guy with a ‘fro. All of them are decked out in the classic pimp styles: slick suits, bright colors, fab shoes, and fetching hats. Oh, the hats! It may be stereotypical as hell, but they had style. These Honolulu pimps would have been able to blend into any city on the mainland. They had the look.

The characterization of the pimps of this time period in particular lends them to be very convenient bad guys on cop shows. Just get them in the right outfit and the audience doesn’t need much more than that. It was understood that pimps were bad because prostitution was against the law. Pimps exploited the women who worked for them and weren’t above using violence to get the women to turn their tricks. Frequently, it was these violent tendencies that had them crossing paths with our police heroes. And it was probably not an accident that it seems like a majority of pimps depicted on TV at this time were Black. It seemed like if it was a white pimp as a main villain -and this is just my impression as I have no scientific data or research to back this up because I’m lazy- that he was depicted more as a businessman. He had “escorts”. He had an office. He wore respectable suits. He might not be above committing violence, but at least he was “classier” when he did it.

In “Tricks Are Not Treats”, Harley Dartson is positioned as sort of a good guy in comparison to Lolo, an unlikely and uncommon position for a pimp at the time. The pimps in the episode are humanized beyond the stereotypes that they’re usually presented as. Their line of work isn’t excused and it’s mentioned that they are still willing to use violence against the women in their stables to keep them in line, but that isn’t the focus. It’s them against Lolo and the writers want you on their side. So, they make them likeable, relatable. J. Paul (Ron Glass), prior to his demise, comes across as a funny, friendly guy. Wunton (Moe Keale) is deeply affected by his friend’s death, to the point of losing his cool to defend J. Paul’s memory.

Harley, our main mack, is given a normal home life with a wife, who used to be on the streets as one of his girls, and two children. Sure, Semantha (Lynn Ellen Hollinger) is still very much involved in the administration aspect of the business, keeping track of the women in Harley’s stable and the jobs they’re doing (or should be doing, as she does threaten one woman over the phone to get to a hardware convention before Harley takes a coat hanger to her), but it’s treated as a normal Mom and Pop kind of business. Pimps are having a meeting out on the lanai and Semantha is tracking tricks while the kids eat lunch at the kitchen counter and Harley fusses at the older boy about doing his homework. It’s a rare depiction to get that much into a pimp’s personal life and have it be so suburban.

(It’s also worth mentioning that Harley and Semantha were an interracial couple with biracial children, something else not often seen on TV in 1973.)

There’s a pimp with a heart of gold in an episode of Barney Miller as well. In “The Hero”, Carl Gibson’s mack character Mayflower is arrested for pushing a trick out of a window and ends up helping the guys put a baby Todd Bridges back on the straight and narrow. Sure, he’s doing it in part to ease his own punishment, but a pimp on another cop show wouldn’t have done it at all.

The bad buy blueprints for cop shows are interesting in how they both contribute to stereotypes and then deviate from the stereotypes they helped create. The way pimps are used in these shows is a great example of that.

Imagine what I might discover if I actually applied myself and researched it.

Book ’em, Danno–Episode 63

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Season 5 comes to a close with a couple of really good episodes. First, Five-O is baffled by a stolen diamond necklace in “The Diamond That Nobody Stole”. We are once again graced by the presence of Eric Braeden in magnificent outfits with bonus Beulah Quo being absolutely regal.

Then Five-O tries to determine which juror has been compromised in “Jury of One”. Both of these episodes featured toothless men who met unfortunate ends, but brought me great joy for the brief time they were with us.

And of course, my season wrap-up that nobody asked for.

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To close out Season 5, here’s Eric Braeden pulling off a look that few would even dare attempt.

See you in Season 6.

eric braeden in white

Rerun Junkie Character–Wo Fat

Police procedurals will sometimes brush their heroes up against the international. However being set in Oahu during the Cold War, it made sense that Hawaii Five-O would feature perhaps more than the average politically based storylines. So, naturally, a recurring villain of this caliber would be a perfect nemesis for the great Steve McGarrett. Enter the most diabolical foreign agent to ever grace the Hawaiian Islands: Wo Fat.

Played impeccably by the wonderful Khigh Dhiegh, Wo Fat is introduced to us in the very first episode of the series, “Cocoon”, as the mastermind who uses sensory deprivation to break people for useful information. The cocoon set-up is something out of a horror film -the victims fitted in a wet suit, their ears and nose filled with a kind of putty, blindfolded, placed in a tank of water, breathing through a tube- and Wo Fat is the perfect man to implement such a horrific torture. He’s dressed in a suit and his almost relaxed demeanor about the horrific psychological torture he’s inflicting on his captive speaks to how comfortable the man is with cruelty in the pursuit of his goals. He’s ruthless, but he’s no brute. Intelligent and sophisticated, Wo Fat sets himself up as a formidable foe from the very beginning.

Unlike other villains who might be motivated by vengeance or the need for power, Wo Fat’s motivation comes from patriotism. Just as Steve McGarrett loves and wants to defend his country, Wo Fat loves and wants to empower his. In a way he’s seeking power, but not necessarily personally. He benefits as his country benefits. It’s an interesting motivation because when viewed through a certain lens, one could say that Wo Fat is merely an employee who excels at and takes joy in his job. We love a person who takes pride in their work.

And Wo Fat puts in the work. What sets him apart from other operatives of the time is his investment in his work. In the two-part episode “The Ninety-Second War”, it was revealed that Wo Fat had spent years investing in a frame job against Steve McGarrett, an elaborate, labor-intensive scheme that necessitated the creation of a doppelganger, a Swiss bank account, millions of dollars of apparent bribes and payoffs accumulated over three years, and a staged car accident to trigger the culmination of this plot -a distraction to divert attention away from a Chinese missile test. With McGarrett occupied with clearing his name, he won’t have time to even realize that Wo Fat has strong armed a scientist by kidnapping his daughter into purposely blacking out the Pacific missile tracking system for ninety-seconds, the time China needs to perform their test.

It’s intricate, meticulous planning that proves to be a Wo Fat trademark. The man would rather go big and then go home. Whether it be an elaborate frame, faking a tidal wave, using his spies to brainwash people into murder, kidnapping children as a form of leverage, working with the Russians to obtain counterfeit currency plates, orchestrating two murders to smuggle a device out of the country, stealing deadly toxins, Wo Fat’s flair for the dramatic is on display. What else could you expect from a man with his own submarine and a few doubles of his own?

I think the episode “…And a Time to Die” gives the audience an excellent insight into Wo Fat’s character. In order to guarantee that a man dies on the operating table after a botched assassination attempt, Wo Fat kidnaps the brain surgeon’s daughter, calmly explaining to the agonized parents that it would be in the child’s best interest if the doctor allows the man to die during surgery. It’s such a well done, well-written, well-acted scene because Wo Fat explains this entire heinous act as an unfortunate, but necessary step to gain his objective. At one point, he actually says that he’s as much of a victim as the parents and the child are, insinuating that if the assassin had done his job, then none of this would be happening.

However, my favorite line from that scene is Wo Fat clarifying the trustworthiness of his word.

“You’re wondering if you can trust me to keep my word. I can assure you…you can. I would genuinely hate to harm your child. But more important, in my profession, a man cannot be afforded a credibility gap. He must keep his promises if he wants anybody to believe his threats.”

It is such a good line and it’s delivered so beautifully.

As for the child in question, we learn even more about Wo Fat from his interaction with the little girl, Ellen. He doesn’t want her to be frightened of them and even offers her some lunch. He then tells her how important it is to be brave, telling her a story about a little girl he knew a long time ago, about how he and the child’s mother tried to keep her safe and teach her to be brave during “a time of great war” in his country. He doesn’t finish the story, getting choked up at the unsaid fate of the little girl after she ran out into the street during the fighting. The implication is that Wo Fat’s daughter was killed during the war, and that his patriotism is, at least in part, motivated by her death.

Wo Fat is then delighted to find out that Ellen plays chess and offers to play her a game. When he finds out that she likes chess best when her mother lets her win, he agrees that winning is the most important thing, but after a beat admits he doesn’t always enjoy it, inferring that while Wo Fat is invested in being excellent at his job, he’s not always at peace with what he has to do to accomplish his objectives. I’m guessing kidnapping and harming children would fall into that category.

That one scene adds so much complexity to an already intriguing character. His actions -his elaborate plots and plans executed over the course of 12 seasons and 13 episodes- take on a new depth when viewed through that framework.

Even though Wo Fat was Steve McGarrett’s greatest nemesis, he wasn’t even in every season of Hawaii Five-O, failing to appear in the 6th, 10th, and 11th seasons. However, in a fitting farewell to the show, as it began, so it ended, with Steve McGarrett facing off with Wo Fat. In the final episode of the series, McGarrett finally gets his man, going undercover as a scientist in order to be kidnapped by Wo Fat, who’s going full Pokemon trying to collect the whole set in order to have the four men create a space-based laser weapon.

Go big and then take it on home.

The series ends with McGarrett finally getting his man, a fitting end to the show and a satisfying conclusion to the relationships between the two men. While Steve has no love for Wo Fat, Wo Fat has a certain amount of admiration and respect for Steve. He sees him as an enemy, sure, but he also sees something of himself in McGarrett, a man motivated to excel in his job. The difference between them lies in the execution. Their differing moral standards allows for weaknesses to be exploited and strengths to be uncovered. The dynamic between the two men is impressive, especially when you consider that there are episodes when they never directly interact. But when they do, Jack Lord and Khigh Dheigh set fire to the screen bringing these two characters to life. These two men going back and forth is something to be savored.

Though Wo Fat was apprehended in the final episode, I find it hard to believe that this cool, sophisticated, intelligent villain would have been kept behind bars for long.

A man like that always has a plan.

Book ’em Danno–Episode 62

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Season 5 is almost over but Five-O’s work is never done.

First they have to solve a tricky murder in “Percentage” and then Chin Ho is beside himself when his daughter gets involved with the son of a criminal family in “Engaged To Be Buried”.

For whatever reason, I was rather verbose talking about these two episodes, so the overall episode is a little long. I suppose I could have cut my thoughts on henchman fashion or trash men, but this the important and insightful analysis people tune in for.

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When your in a criminal family, it’s important to dress the part.

rono vidalgokoa vidalgo

Let’s Make Bad Decisions for Fun and Plot Lines

In an episode of the short-lived ’70s cop show Chopper One called “The Informer”, Dick Van Patten is in police protective custody so he can testify against a mobster. Our mains, Foley and Burdick, use the police helicopter to take him to a safe house…where he later calls his wife and tells her exactly where he is so she can come see him.

It’s a frustratingly stupid decision, one you know that the bad guys will capitalize on by following the wife out to the beach house of hiding. I am on record stating that I wanted something bad to happen to Dick Van Patten for this dipshittery. And yet! We wouldn’t have an episode if he hadn’t made this poor choice. Or we wouldn’t have this episode. Things would have played out much differently for everyone involved otherwise.

And like I said in my recorded statements, I can’t even really be mad about it because people willingly make such terrible decisions in real life.

Making bad life choices is sort of a key component to cop shows. Someone has to make the dubious decision to commit a crime, after all. That’s what gets the ball rolling. If people left the house every morning with the goal of making good choices, our TV cops would be out of work.

It’s not just criminals making poor life choices. There are the bad decisions by the (mostly) law abiding citizens that skitter events in a different direction. Like Dick Van Patten making that ill-advised phone call to his wife. Or the guy in the CSI: Miami episode “Long Gone”. The dad and his family are kidnapped because dear ol’ dad finds drugs buried on his property and decides to go into business for himself.

And then there are the guys (so often they’re men) that compound one bad decision with another. Like the rancher in the Hawaii Five-O episode “Paniolo” who lets his anger get the best of him when dealing with a real estate developer. The physical altercation leads to the developer’s accidental death, and instead of contacting the police, he decides to stage the developer’s death as a car accident. Does it work? No, of course it doesn’t work. It just makes things a whole lot worse.

Or the guy in the Law & Order: Criminal Intent episode “Homo Homini Lupus”, who gets in trouble by failing to repay a loan shark in a timely fashion. As a result, his family is kidnapped. Does he accept help from the authorities? Of course not. Why would he do such a thing? That would make sense, at least in the world of TV law enforcement. So, shit gets to go extra pear shaped for his sins.

Sometimes it’s hard to believe people could be such dipsticks. And then you read the latest Florida Man story. We can say all we want that the bad decisions people make on TV are unbelievable, but we know deep down that’s not necessarily true.

I realize I’m focusing on cop shows here, but that’s only because it’s my area of expertise, so to speak. Bad decisions motivate plots in other genres, too. The plot of more than one episode of Stargate: Atlantis was motivated by Dr. Rodney McKay’s ego-driven bad decisions.

Family-oriented sitcoms thrive on the bad choices of their precocious children. With the TGIF line-up, I know I put a slew of bad decisions in front of my eyeballs back in the day. The only one that sticks out in my memory is the Full House episode “I’m Not D.J.”, in which Stephanie allows Kimmy -of all people- to pierce her ears against her father’s wishes so she can impress her friends. It’s a relatable dubious decision because kids don’t have the life experience to know better than to do stupid shit. They’ve got to do the stupid shit to get the experience. Everyone knows that they’re not going to take anyone else’s word for it.

The adults on those sitcoms, though, don’t have that excuse. They’re doing it for the laughs of the live studio audience.

And because adults make dubious life choices, too.

At least on TV, they do it for the plot.